I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The adults are the big ones right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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