I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
BRING THE BAGELS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
