Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
