felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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