Please, let me fuck your mom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
