Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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