Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
