i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
