Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
