Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
