Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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