i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
