R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
