He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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