how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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