What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
