my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No I am not eating basil off your cock
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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