I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
