peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
