ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
