some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
