I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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