You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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