My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
