Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
