omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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