thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
