I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
