woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
