i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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