I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
