Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
