How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
