Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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