dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
