Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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