He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
