Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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