You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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