ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
