My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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