Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
