I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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