this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
