Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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