Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
how drunk are you?
Several
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
