So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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