Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
