he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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