Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize