We're like a lot better than the average bears
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
