i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
