Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
