Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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