yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
