What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
