My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
