No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
