You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm both gender and math confused
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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