And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
