I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
