I think I died a long time ago.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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