booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
