guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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