wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
