I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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