Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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