This girl is more easily done than said...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
