i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
4 words: hood of his car
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
