How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
