The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
