so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
