I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize