Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We need to get me chipped asap
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