we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They took my balls.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
