life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
