Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
