is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
