the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
