DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
