roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
