Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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