just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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