It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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