I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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