Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
