Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
