: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
