Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
