belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
