I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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