I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Watching her eat just hurts me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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