Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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