On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
