I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
