Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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