I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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