Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize