my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize