Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
