this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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