so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
