i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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