My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize