wrigley field is MILF paradise
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
