I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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